WHO AM I TO JUDGE: My Diaper Deep Dive

A bit of journalism for the people... This article discusses sexual trauma and negative childhood experiences. Reader discretion is very much advised!

"Mentally sound people do not concern themselves with the question of how sexual paraphilias develop." This is a bold-faced lie that I've been told time and time again to deter me from sharing my knowledge with the world. I am a scientist, I am sane, and I refuse to keep the secrets I uncovered some years ago from the general public any longer. The time is now... I present to you the fruits of my journalistic endeavor. 

Out there in the digital landscape is a little corner of the web I can only describe as soggy. I will refer to it as The Diaper Site in this piece. I discovered it some years ago while trapped in a google search loop fueled by SUPER LEMON HAZE. Any other Sativa Divas out there? Anyway, the existence of this site became a bit of a meme within my friend group, often namedropped in the same vein as FarmersOnly or JDate. 

I made my first account  on The Diaper Site strictly to be a nuisance. I thought it would be better to direct my overwhelming urge to troll towards this niche community of adults rather than towards children on Roblox. I'd like to note I've never traumatized young Robloxians or did anything particularly heinous, I would just spam "burger king foot lettuce" in the chat and thought it was hilarious because I was perpetually geeked out of my fucking mind in my early 20's. That was the extent of my psychological terror campaign. I'm not a monster.

Getting back on track, the intent was to troll. But the more I talked to people, the more this impulse dissipated. I recall a heart wrenching story of an elderly couple which shared an account on the site. The wife developed incontinence after the birth of their third child, and wearing diapers became a medical necessity. Fetishizing this was a method of coping for the two. It was how the husband let the wife know that her condition did not dampen his desire for her. They were still going strong after decades together. Guilt roiled in my gut. It wasn't so funny anymore.

Very shortly after this encounter I was permanently banned from The Diaper Site for doxxing. Sorry, but if you are a horny man messaging me your phone number talking about 'call me and hear my diaper squish' type shit, I will respond with your mother's name and address and say I'm gonna tell on you!!! For every respectful person with a sympathetic life story, there is someone who will send you images of their bulging diaper completely unsolicited, which is a big no-no in this community even if you're into that. I was trying to teach these fools about internet safety, but whatevs. So much personal information can be extracted from just your phone number. 

That is where my diaper journey came to a screeching halt... or so I thought. 

I used the knowledge I gained here as material for an essay in college. I literally would write essays about diaper lovers, furries, Fallout: New Vegas, and my severely constipated former roommate who would scoop out poop nuggets from her butt in the shower and stomp them down the drain. I have no idea how my instructors let me do that. This is a fact about myself I bring up occasionally, because it is funny. Graduated with a 4.0 somehow. When I shared this Callie Lore with a new group of people, they expressed their desire to read these projects.

My stupid ass deleted ALL OF IT to make room on my PC for SIMS 4 CUSTOM CONTENT and MODS. Legendary writings, GONE, so I could make a CONVERSATION PIT for my 70's vibe sim to do COCAINE in. Which meant I had to do it all again, driven by my curious spirit rather than the desire to sow chaos. New IP address, new me. It was finally time to delve deep into The Diaper Site once more…

Meet WomanInSTEM.

She's a 48 year old Texan. Daily drinker and smoker. Standing at a diminutive 5'0 tall, which is the minimum height you can be on this site. What a tragedy for Sabrina Carpenter that she cannot join this site and mingle with other adult babies. If you try to make an account and you are not between the minimum 5'0 and maximum 6'6, I fear the Diaper Admin will send out an airstrike to your location. 

Anyway, her bio reads, "I'm a scholar on a mission. Please don't send me unsolicited imagery. And trust me honey, none of yall can match my freak... So don't even try it." This is some plausible deniability. This is a DIGITAL ANTHROPOLOGY MISSION that I cannot sully by being immediately clocked as an outsider or getting banned for doxxing. As you can see, WomanInSTEM is about her business while maintaining an air of mystery.

It did not take long for them to flock to her due to her maternal aura. I would check their profiles and see a wealth of identifying information out in the open. Messaging me "I'm baby" like I can't see your house on Google Earth right now. If you baby, who mow that lawn? But I refrained from using the full names, phone numbers, and email addresses left out in the open for chaotic purposes. That is an issue I'll be tackling later. Right now, I am under deep cover.

I perused the profiles that were newly accessible to me. I kept seeing "DL," thinking it meant a dude on the down low. This belief persisted until I saw a profile where a man emphatically insisted he was DL but NOT GAY. I black out when faced with an acronym because I'm spiritually dyslexic, so it took me an embarrassingly long time to realize the DL in ABDL is for Diaper Lover. AB? Adult Baby. Common sense. Ok.

People sent me messages. Either along the lines of "helo miss i come from holland i wear diapers and plastic pants" or "you a wittw cwybaby u need daddy change diapy stupid baby.” These kinds of people would refuse to answer any questions because they were so debilitatingly horny that they could not string together any coherent line of thought. I would quickly rebuff them.

This early stage was the “funny phase” in which I curved horny dudes with bad eyesight, collected screenshots of anything I found interesting, and just started to scratch the surface of my subject’s psyches. The number one diaperist hobby? Gaming. One suspiciously beefy and diapered fellow wrote, “I like to play Call of duty and I love wearing diapers.” Another asked the broader community in a public post, “Does anyone play Dota 2 diapered?” I thought this was a fantastic question. Diapers are surely more efficient than peeing in bottles. Tabletop gaming was popular as well. Shockingly, I did not find someone who was into painting Warhammer figures, but I’m sure they’re out there.

It did not take long for me to have a conversation that struck me to my very core with a young gentleman. Because he approached the conversation in a friendly and respectful manner, I decided that he would be the first person that I’d ask very prying questions. I’m going to try and be vague. He told me that he has autism and struggles in his daily life to have his needs met and complete day-to-day tasks. He told me his dreams, and that he wished to live fully independently and pursue his academic passions. He revealed he was upset about the limitations his disability placed on him. 

I did my best to be helpful. I used his easily accessible personal information to connect him with resources for disabled adults that were local to him. I told him to not give up on his pursuit of knowledge. I gave him plenty of advice and encouragement. I then lied and said I had to go to the grocery store to procure yogurt because I was too emotionally impacted by his story and couldn’t handle it anymore.

I later spoke to an older gentleman who had a scientific approach to things not unlike myself. His diaper origin story began with accounts of him being bullied in a way I’d classify as some form of sexual harassment or assault. While it had a negative emotional impact on him at the time, once he reached college age, he flipped it on its head and let it form into a fetish. This turned out to be a common pattern: a childhood trauma being buried until it emerged as an adult paraphilia. 

We discussed the demographics of this community at length. It was a relief to find that my conclusions aligned with the assessments made by someone who had been an active participant in this erotic subculture for years. There is a shortage of women on the site—a demographic quality that scammers frequently exploit. The few women that I did talk to indicated that their entry into the ABDL lifestyle came later in life rather than forming in childhood. This guy was cooking... 

This user also let me know that actual scientific studies regarding ABDL do exist, which was definitely news to me. I requested links and he basically said “google it” so he really got my ass. We discussed the overlap of ABDL and furryism, which could be an entirely separate article. Also, he made it clear that not all Diaper Lovers are Adult Babies.

On the subject of functionality in society, I was emboldened to ask the question that had been weighing heavily on my mind: how many of these people got autism? I’d been seeing it everywhere. My scholarly friend had noticed as well, but said it’d be impossible to get any hard data on that. He then gracefully bowed out of the conversation, wishing me luck on publishing my research. Thank you dearly! 

I spoke to another gentleman who vividly remembered the origin of his interest in diapers. He had an attractive foreign baddie teacher in elementary school who would threaten to put him back in diapers if he didn’t act right. She would literally keep them in her purse to emphasize her seriousness about this. So again, I’m seeing childhood sexual trauma created by a recklessly inappropriate adult. He insisted this was not traumatic for him, instead describing it as arousing, and the fondly-remembered catalyst to the development of his sexual identity. And apparently, a normal thing to happen in the 80’s. 

Nocturnal enuresis is the fancy name for bedwetting. This was another common foundation of diaper origin stories. Several people I spoke to dealt with this, claiming it to be entirely idiopathic. I was assured by multiple people that they had no physical medical issues and were perfectly fine, which was a well-founded concern of mine considering a lot of these people are at the age where they need to be worrying about their prostate. In the back of my head, I just thought about how this kind of regression is well documented as often being caused by experiencing sexual abuse. 

As more of these conversations unfolded, another pattern made itself glaringly apparent to me. American users of the site tended to have tragic and troubling backstories, while users from countries with more robust healthcare systems were purely horned up. The revelation I reached had me feeling like That’s So Raven having a vision. Diaper loving and/or being an Adult Baby is the perfect answer to dealing with psychological trauma, physical disability, and intellectual disability—but only if you live in a country that has scanty resources for people living with these things. Being mindlessly horny is a EUROPEAN LUXURY because these people can have an at-home care aide or get free mental health care. They don’t actually NEED to form a symbiotic relationship centering around a fetish in order to get their physical or psychological needs met. 

The ABDL community is composed of a great deal of extremely vulnerable people. It is a symptom of how the USA has failed its citizens in a multitude of ways. These people are unfairly maligned and frequently exploited by scammers and blackmailers. Let me not be a sanctimonious bitch about it… I’m still going to laugh at people with unusual sexual proclivities if they’re German or something. But holy shit, it’s just plain wrong to broadly make fun of ABDL enjoyers when the majority of them are clearly coping with something and engaging in this behavior is a legitimate medical necessity. 

This is the point where people started clocking me. I did request permission from users to share their stories, but with my true intentions laid bare, it seemed like another permaban was on the horizon. Maybe I asked too many random people “indica or sativa” to lighten my own mood. Maybe publicly posting “geeked up playin xbox all day” revealed my true zoomer nature. I decided to use the remaining lifespan of my account to educate users on internet safety.

There’s a reason why I’m trying to obfuscate as many details as possible about The Diaper Site, and frankly, a reason why I hesitate to publish this. Mere minutes ago, as I write, a hopeful Diaper Daddy seeking Diaper Princess has posted his personal email on the completely public forum. It’s the first thing you’d see right now if you found this site. There is no account needed to access this information and utilize it in any way one would wish. This is scary!

After being publicly mislabeled as a scammer, I posted a PSA explaining that while I am not a scammer, many of them are prowling about. I described measures certain users can take to protect their identity. It made no impact. So I decided to reach out to the site’s administrator. 

The admin did not respond promptly, so I decided to wait and check until the next day. 

I was banned.

DIVA DOWN…

I don’t know how to end this anymore. The conclusion must be something along the lines of not being judgemental to weird people as long as they’re not from Europe. I need to go listen to the new Megan Thee Stallion album. I’m sorry, but that’s what WomanInSTEM would have wanted, because she is a fellow Texan. Bye xx